Pure Bagger

Weens has come out of no where to be stomping on the frozen penises of the Cat3 pack this year. With six wins out of 15 races he has given pack fodder a new meaning. When he wins, its by a margin of minutes. r5 wants to know what this dude has been huffin. Dude has amassed 33 points, more than P-Cole-Train got last year!

Raggedy Andy its time to move on to a real challenge and CTFU!

She Bags! She Bags! She Bags!

Ladies and gentlemen, r5 presents to you sandbaggerkc's first girl-bagger!
Even though Chewbecca probably eats dinner at 3pm and is in bed by the early evening newscast, she races like she just stole a pack of hearing aid batteries from Walgreens. Her record is littered with 1's and 2's: this year she has no less than 6 wins and 5 second places!! Chewbecca could jump into the "men's" 4s and eat all their lunches and you know a few of those guys could stand to go on a diet.

On a scale of 1-10, Chewbecca scores a 9. -1 for the funky socks.

PS: A reminder to St Louis CX'ers as to whats to come this weekend....

Barely (UCI) Legal

Which is wider? This dude's cx tires:

Or:


M'Adam Broslice* punked our local band of misfits 4's by minutes, rubbing it in by popping a wheelie at the finish, then proceeded to line up and destroy the 3's too. Even Moses Fancher could not keep up. Checking out M'Adams record before this weekend he had only done 4 races, winning 3 of them so he's pretty much a newly minted 'bagger. So r5 is calling our our local racers for getting CLOWNED by some noob from Iowa on monster truck tires who before last month had no record of racing anywhere r5 could find. What the hell happened out there to you guys? Yall musta eaten at the same restaurant the Chiefs did over the weekend. That was seriously a pathetic effort guys. Its the second year in a row some out of towner came in and kicked your asses.

Now theres only a few more weeks till state so you guys better change out your maxis or next thing you know you'll get reemed by some dude from that joke of a cx scene from St Louis.

* update- this is Broslice

Rougher than rough

This is a "Spiral of Death." It does not belong on a cx course. However r5 heard that the farm was a sweet venue for cross and hope it remains a mainstay in the local scene.


This is a Spiral of Ham. It belongs in r5's belly.

Congrats to Tristina for CTFU and doing a 3/4 race. 10th out of 21 is solid for his first 3's race. He will only get better racing with faster dudes. For you 4's thinking about making the move, jump in a 3/4 race and see where you stand. There are lots of slow fattys in the 3's that will be easy pickins.

Taking it like a man

What more can r5 say? If you can still podium in that getup, theres no doubt yer a bagger!

Its a shame 360 and none of the Open guys got into the holiday spirit. Bunch of fun-haters. r5 bets those guys all had their lights off Halloween night too. Can't have no candy in the house when you're still trying to fit into that wedding dress. And no P-Coletrain, that nasty Mr Goodbody skinsuit doesn't count. Its a wonder more people don't crash while sitting behind you.

Cat3 baggers, your time is almost up...

Oops She Bagged it Again

Yeah, Tristina did it again and stomped the beginner 4's. Seriously, s/he should double up and do the womens field as well (I bet lil KRocket would smoke him). Forget the rules and the fact that he has way more than enough points to upgrade already. Look at who he is currently racing against and decide on how proud you should be to stomp the slow kids. Do "stand up guys" beat down on guys like this:

Look, if you can ride hard for 30 minutes and safely clear the barriers while holding in the puke, then you can go ahead and get out of the 4's.

On a bagger scale of 1-10, Tristina scores a 12.

On a related note, r5 heard that the "first timers" race was a success. Maybe this type of event should be added to future races. Congrats to the dozen or so new racers who are now eligible to be called out!

Tri-Baggin

This mail order bike riding sack-less wuss has been baggin the 4's for THREE YEARS. In 2008 he had TWO WINS and 7 top 6 finishes in 11 races overall. Two years later he's still in the 4s and bagged a win and a 2nd over the weekend, losing only to Roger Dodger but still a solid minute ahead of the Fat4s. Yeah, he's waaaay over due to CTFU. Since he does have a girl's name, he might as well line up with the women as well.

On a scale of 1-10, this dude scores an 11. +1 for the internet bike.

r5's advice to the 4s who are getting smoked by the same top 5 baggers: go ahead an CTFU and ditch those douches. Racing against faster guys for twice the distance WILL MAKE YOU FASTER. There is no glory in winning the 4's.

And for you folks who are inspired by this blog to someday be a bagger too, come out to Smithville this weekend for the beginners race. There is the regular so called "cat4 beginners" category where you'll find 'baggers like Tristan, and for this weekend only, a true "never done this before beginners category" and FREE clinic at 9am. Some of the snotty roadies out there may make it seem like an elite closed scene but once you pin on a number, you are every bit a part of the CX community.

r5 has added a new poll feature so you too can vote. Results will be added to each entry later.