Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tri-Baggin

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This mail order bike riding sack-less wuss has been baggin the 4's for THREE YEARS. In 2008 he had TWO WINS and 7 top 6 finishes in 11 races overall. Two years later he's still in the 4s and bagged a win and a 2nd over the weekend, losing only to Roger Dodger but still a solid minute ahead of the Fat4s. Yeah, he's waaaay over due to CTFU. Since he does have a girl's name, he might as well line up with the women as well.

On a scale of 1-10, this dude scores an 11. +1 for the internet bike.

r5's advice to the 4s who are getting smoked by the same top 5 baggers: go ahead an CTFU and ditch those douches. Racing against faster guys for twice the distance WILL MAKE YOU FASTER. There is no glory in winning the 4's.

And for you folks who are inspired by this blog to someday be a bagger too, come out to Smithville this weekend for the beginners race. There is the regular so called "cat4 beginners" category where you'll find 'baggers like Tristan, and for this weekend only, a true "never done this before beginners category" and FREE clinic at 9am. Some of the snotty roadies out there may make it seem like an elite closed scene but once you pin on a number, you are every bit a part of the CX community.

r5 has added a new poll feature so you too can vote. Results will be added to each entry later.

61 comments:

  1. Not so girlish in origin:

    Tristan (Latin/Brythonic: Drustanus; Welsh: Drystan; also known as Tristran, Tristram, etc.) is one of the main characters of the Tristan and Iseult story, a Cornish hero and one of the Knights of the Round Table featuring in the Matter of Britain. He is the son of Blancheflor and Rivalen (in later versions Isabelle and Meliodas), and the nephew of King Mark of Cornwall, sent to fetch Iseult back from Ireland to wed the king. However, he and Iseult accidentally consume a love potion while en route and fall helplessly in love. The pair undergo numerous trials that test their secret affair.

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  2. Continuing the theme as the primo blog for the Cat 4 poseurs who feel cheated by the other Cat 4's!

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  3. Cat 4 is a the beginner class. The end.

    This dude has various elements which mean he should be catting up immediately. Among them:

    - A full year in Cat 4.
    - Two wins.
    - More than enough points.
    - More than enough points again.
    - More than enough points yet again.

    But, thanks to the various elements around here allowing this to happen, he will remain in Cat 4. (Elements include 'officials' who don't officiate, a good-ol'-boy network which spits on everyone who is not in Open, and a backslappin' tendency to say "CTFU" or "HTFU" to beginners, but not that same thing to career Cat 4 prize-snagging roaches.)

    Imagine this scene:

    We're like a part of the country where there's a class higher than Open. Let's call it Elite.

    Now, each weekend, Elite is full of Johnson, the Towers, Wells, Jamie, everyone. But, each weekend, one of them races Open, against KC's usual suspects (most our Open guys would race Elite, but stay with me here).

    Yeah, a world-level Elite dude taking wins and prizes away from a lesser class. Egads! The horror!

    Yeah, that's it. And it happens EVERY DAMN WEEK.

    Fucking sandbaggers.

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  4. No fair! Tristan would have won, if that notorious bagger Rodger Dodger was in the right class!

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  5. Dumb analogy. Elite is an age group classification (it has exceptions). Start with 1A4 in the USAC rulebook, continue to UCI forther study.

    Certain Elite events require qualification.

    Open will suffice for the ass kickers.

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  6. Oh, there are rules defining who should race in what category? Imagine that.

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  7. There are rules and guidelines. Learning the difference should be helpful.

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  8. He has "various elements"? Helium? Rubidium? Krypoton?

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  9. "..And it happens EVERY DAMN WEEK".


    Tragedy.

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  10. Hey, strawman!

    Bet you've got Tea Party signs in your front yard, too.

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  11. Christine O'BaggerOctober 21, 2010 at 1:14 PM

    The right to 'bag is in the FIRST AMENDMENT FOLKS!

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  12. And just what it is it you riffraff contend for in the Category Four?
    What treasures doth the "prize-snagging" roaches attain?

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  13. Lord Sac de Salete said..

    "And just what it is it you riffraff contend for in the Category Four?
    What treasures doth the "prize-snagging" roaches attain?"

    Spam Egg Sausage and Spam Sandwich Recipe

    Ingredients:

    * 1/3 lb. breakfast sausage
    * 1 – 7 oz. tin SPAM
    * 2 eggs
    * 2 slices Jewish Rye bread
    * 1 tbsp mayonnaise
    * 1 tsp. deli style mustard
    * Vegetable oil for frying

    SPAM!!

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  14. Are you sandbagger defenders going to ride the First-Timer Class at Smithville this weekend? I bet you'd win some prizes.

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  15. uhhh...where do you see "sandbagger defenders"?

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  16. I don't see too much in the way of "sandbagger defenders" on this blog. I do see a lot of dorks getting their panties bunched up.

    BTW, what is this blog about?

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  17. I'd agree this guy definitely should have upgraded after 2008. He should have upgraded after 2008-09 because of the two wins.

    However, he didn't really race last year. One race and he clearly didn't dominate. Maybe he had other stuff going on and wasn't able to train/race whatever.

    So, he might have been justified in downgrading back to 4s for the start of this year (if he wasn't riding last year). The first race this season he didn't do that well. Obviously the last few weeks he's done well.

    Of course, the other argument is that this guy is not a beginner anymore. Plenty of experience and he's only 27. Time for the 3s buddy.

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  18. Hey, this guy had a good point!

    "KC's problem is that sandbagging/cherrypicking is an epidemic in all but the men's Open class."

    Enlighten us about this "epidemic" sandbagging/cherrypicking in the dozen or so other categories (besides Open).

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  19. At what point does someone who is finishing mid-pack with the 4's cat up to 3? After 10 races, when he starts placing top 5, after one season?

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  20. Anonymous "Hey, this guy ..."

    > You might read a blog called http://sandbaggerkc.blogspot.com

    Anonymous "At what point ..."

    > You might read the USAC rules that Marg has no problem pointing out (which are never the ones mentioning how people should ride in proper classes).

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  21. This blog is about SPAM!! Aye Wot? Know what I mean? Wink Wink, Nod Nod, Nudge Nudge!

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  22. YOU ALL ARE BORING. BORING! BORING! BORING! And Whats wrong with Spam you Bourgois Fuck

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  23. Hey prole, it's "bourgeois".

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  24. Prairie Center Cyclocross in Olathe 2010October 22, 2010 at 8:50 AM

    I'd rather buy that mail order Trek than a Trek from the Trek store.

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  25. "KC's problem is that sandbagging/cherrypicking is an epidemic in all but the men's Open class."

    "Enlighten us about this "epidemic" sandbagging/cherrypicking in the dozen or so other categories (besides Open)."

    I bet that with two big races not in K.C. to draw away the K.C. elite this weekend the open class at Smithville will see some fresh faces.

    So... can you sandbag/cherry pick open?

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  26. You could have at Epic last year. Only KC's national B Nats winner rode that one, and the other 'podium' spots were open.

    ANYONE could have pushed their bike mostly around one lap, until the time ran out. Wonder what would have happened?

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  27. you would have been paid handsomely

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  28. We're very impressed at the stupidity of this blog!

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  29. Suck it Kansas! Come to St. Louis and get your ass handed to you! You may be baggers in your small shitty pond, but in the real world, you are all weak-ass wannabees!

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  30. Belgium/NetherlandsOctober 23, 2010 at 1:10 PM

    Weg lachend onze ezels bij u!

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  31. Anyone got the scoop on what happened to SKC? Did JB finally alienate enough people that the company pulled their support for a team that he singlehandedly assigned a bad rep to?

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  32. no glory in the 4's? I work hard each week to try and be as competitive as possible in the 4's and it's for nothing...huh? sandbaggers aside the 4's, as you say pin on their numbers each week and are every much as part of the cx community as anyone else, and deserving of some of the glory.

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  33. Truedat! Everyone started somewhere. No need to disrespect the guys who are in the 4's because the rules say they have to be there. Once their dues are paid, most will move on. Not everyone in the 4's is a bagger or a fatty.

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  34. EVERY class out there rules. ANYONE who races CX gets my respect, other than myself.

    The problem I have is guys and gals ignoring common sense, which says you move on from Cat 4 at a certain point. Some might not ever get out of that class. Some needed to leave it a long time ago.

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  35. SKC, as a cycling team, is no more?

    JB is such a fine example of a just human being, I'm sure a reputable company will be stepping in very soon to pull a new team together.

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  36. r5 means no disrespect to those working hard in the 4s.

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  37. What is with all the SKC disrespect you bunch of losers. You are just jealous because you always wanted to be on the team, and they would not accept you. If you want to rip on some sandbaggers go ahead, but do not rip on a company that has spent money in our sport. Running a team is not easy, because you bunch of bitches are on a team; I mean club, you douche bags. If you want to call out JB for sandbagging go ahead, but get off the SKC disrespect.

    What is sad is we are losing another club and sponsor. Yes another club will step in, but do not forget who puts on the Tour of KC. The SKC club spent a lot of money and time to put on local events, and that is now gone.

    Also, if you want to rip on JB go ahead, but throw out some balls and use your name and not anonymous.

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  38. Waaa Waaa..tit momma tit.

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  39. There's no disrespect toward SKC as a company. There's no disrespect to them as a team, as far as I know. It is unfortunate that they're withdrawing as a sponsor. It's just that JB gives them a bad name because of the way he acts and the way he treats people.

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  40. There is disrespect for Tristan as a CX rider. Fucking sandbaggers.

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  41. tristan bagged again today...dude, get out of the 4's!

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  42. Who says he reads this blog? Tell it to his face!

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  43. It's been told to him. He knows it.

    And he reads this blog. Religiously.

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  44. Bitter and ball-less. I agree. Say it to his face instead of hiding behind a computer

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  45. Tristan's a standup guy. Go crying to your governing body whatever the hell that is and petiotion to get his classification changed. If he's racing within the rules, then STFU. At the end of the day, if still just a bike race.

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  46. I don't know the guy, but to me it looks like he is not racing within the rules. He has fully met the qualifications of upgrading. If he truly is a stand up guy, he would have cat up a long time ago.

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  47. Tristan will cat up when he feels he's ready.

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  48. "Bitter and ball-less. I agree. Say it to his face instead of hiding behind a computer"

    Coming from someone who posts anonymously...

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  49. "Dodger's wifey said..."

    He IS freakin' ready!

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  50. Truly, the silliest blog ever.

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  51. Silly, the truest blog ever.

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  52. Missouri said...
    Suck it Kansas! Come to St. Louis and get your ass handed to you! You may be baggers in your small shitty pond, but in the real world, you are all weak-ass wannabees!


    St. Louis is full of sandbaggers!!! You are all sandbaggers if you are from St. Louis. The only reason you don't have your own sandbagger blogspot is because everyone would be on there

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  53. Let's move on and start RIPing on JB!

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  54. Rumor has it he knew for more than a month that SKC was pulling their money but didn't bother to tell any of his teammates until he had secured himself a position on a new team

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  55. Oh wow. This is quite the pathetic bunch if I do say so myself. Sitting here, blogging about someone who is A) actually doing something with his life instead of writing ridiculous crap about people B) has more talent than most of you combined and C) did I mention he has a life? Get off the computer, get a bike and race cx or any bike race. Then, once you get your ass whooped, maybe you can blog about that.

    It's really sad that you sit here ripping on a guy because by your ridiculous "standards" if they'd even be considered that, won't cat up. Well, if you knew anything about bike racing which you clearly don't, you're not required to cat up until you're ready or are forced by officials. Now if Tristan (which is clearly a dude's name you idiot) were winning every damn race he raced for the past 2 years, then yeah I'd say it's time to go to the 3's. Since he raced one race last year and doesn't meet those qualifications, maybe it's time you STFU.

    How about this, you can take your so called bike knowledge and come to Colorado and ride where I can whoop you myself. But maybe I'm just a sandbagger because I beat dudes, your call.

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  56. Hey, it's the return of the Rocky Mountain Spotted Bagger!

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