Monday, October 25, 2010

Oops She Bagged it Again

Yeah, Tristina did it again and stomped the beginner 4's. Seriously, s/he should double up and do the womens field as well (I bet lil KRocket would smoke him). Forget the rules and the fact that he has way more than enough points to upgrade already. Look at who he is currently racing against and decide on how proud you should be to stomp the slow kids. Do "stand up guys" beat down on guys like this:
Look, if you can ride hard for 30 minutes and safely clear the barriers while holding in the puke, then you can go ahead and get out of the 4's.

On a bagger scale of 1-10, Tristina scores a 12.

On a related note, r5 heard that the "first timers" race was a success. Maybe this type of event should be added to future races. Congrats to the dozen or so new racers who are now eligible to be called out!

Thursday, October 21, 2010


This mail order bike riding sack-less wuss has been baggin the 4's for THREE YEARS. In 2008 he had TWO WINS and 7 top 6 finishes in 11 races overall. Two years later he's still in the 4s and bagged a win and a 2nd over the weekend, losing only to Roger Dodger but still a solid minute ahead of the Fat4s. Yeah, he's waaaay over due to CTFU. Since he does have a girl's name, he might as well line up with the women as well.

On a scale of 1-10, this dude scores an 11. +1 for the internet bike.

r5's advice to the 4s who are getting smoked by the same top 5 baggers: go ahead an CTFU and ditch those douches. Racing against faster guys for twice the distance WILL MAKE YOU FASTER. There is no glory in winning the 4's.

And for you folks who are inspired by this blog to someday be a bagger too, come out to Smithville this weekend for the beginners race. There is the regular so called "cat4 beginners" category where you'll find 'baggers like Tristan, and for this weekend only, a true "never done this before beginners category" and FREE clinic at 9am. Some of the snotty roadies out there may make it seem like an elite closed scene but once you pin on a number, you are every bit a part of the CX community.

r5 has added a new poll feature so you too can vote. Results will be added to each entry later.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Dipsy doo douch-eroo!

Whats worse than a sandbagger? A goddamn cheater!! r5 got a bunch of reports about dudes who thought it would be cool to ride around the barriers at Cross Out Cancer. Like Fun-Bobby until r5 and other racers started yelling at him for being a big douche. This picture is what you call karma, jackass.

You are at a cross race which is supposed to be fun. You are raising money to fight cancer which sucks. So you chumps who rode around the barriers must hate fun and love cancer.

Like this dude who should know much better- (correction: upon further review of the pictures, Shmalt-liquor just about ate it and was avoiding a wipeout so he is excused)
Those of you who cheated disrespected your fellow racers and the small but dedicated Livestrong Army who worked hard to put on a great race. Contador may have juiced. The whole peloton probably is juiced. But at least none of them got caught taking a detour around the Tourmalet.

On a scale of 1-10, you assholes who rode around the barriers score a +15 on the douchebag scale.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Roger Dodger

There seems to be a dearth of 3's this year with the open class at Boss Cross being the larger field! Could it be the crazy ass 60 minute race time? Or could it be some of the 4's are big time baggin'??

This Cat3 dodgin bagger is off to an impressive start to the year: a 2nd at Manions and two wins last weekend in the porked out 4's (boy was that a fat boy course). With at least 18 points scored and 11+ starts, this dude is done in the 4's.

On a 'bagger scale of 1-10, he gets a 7. -1 for the tattoo. +1 for the wussy wrist warmers- damn it wasnt that cold! Shake the sand out of your vajay-jay Roger and CTFU!