Friday, January 29, 2010

Rocky Mountain Spotted Bagger


So this VelonewsDude comes in from Colorado and lines up against the local 4's including a cast of future KC Sandbagger candidates and absolutely destroys them. By the time the whistle blew, the Elway-lover was halfway around the race track and was GONE. And to add insult to injury, he probably finished off the damn keg before hightailing it out of town. All I know is when I started pumping the barrel, nothing but foam came out. (must've slathered on too much Butt'r)

On a scale of 1 to 10, this dude scores an 18. +5 for traveling 500 miles to pick on our "beginners". +3 for douchey-Velonews kit.

18 comments:

  1. Poser does UCI Boulder a few times in 08, then opens the 09 season with a ONE DAY LICENSE!

    Niiiiccccceeeeee.

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  2. Studnicki's blog asked if Lance Armstrong is a 'bagger for skipping the Giro to do the Tour of Cali. Interesting when you think about it. Is he?

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  3. When Lance does these smaller races, he doesn't always try to win them. It'd be a dick move. That, I think is the difference.

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  4. Sir r5: There are ways of telling whether he is a sandbagger.
    Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
    Sir r5: Tell me. What do you do with sandbaggers?
    Peasant 1: Burn them.
    Sir r5: And what do you burn, apart from sandbaggers?
    Peasant 1: More sandbaggers.
    Peasant 2: Wood.
    Sir r5: Good. Now, why do sandbaggers burn?
    Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
    Sir r5: Good. So how do you tell whether the sandbagger is made of wood?
    Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of him?
    Sir r5: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
    Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
    Sir r5: Does wood sink in water?
    Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw him into the pond!
    Sir r5: No, no. What else floats in water?
    Peasant 1: Bread.
    Peasant 2: Apples.
    Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
    Peasant 1: Cider.
    Peasant 2: Gravy.
    Peasant 3: Cherries.
    Peasant 1: Mud.
    Peasant 2: Churches.
    Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
    King Arthur: A Duck.
    Sir r5: ...Exactly. So, logically...
    Peasant 1: If the sandbagger weighed the same as a duck... he's made of wood.
    Sir r5: And therefore...
    Peasant 2: ...A SANDBAGGER!

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  5. r5 is now making money from the sandbaggery of others with google ads? Well done, r5. A true capitalist.

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  6. I heard that the officials made him race cat4

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  7. This is the velonews racer from this season


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

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  8. I never new Rick A. raced 'cross.

    And speaking of wood, I think I have a thing for cartoon characters: http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/imgad?id=CNSKrNHf-u-yvgEQrAIY-gEyCAHhJRXD9O5t

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  9. Leave Elway out of this. He was a fine quarterback. Slightly better than Elvis Grbac.

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  10. "I never new Rick A. raced 'cross."

    He was more famous for this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb_hqexKkw8

    We're no strangers to love
    You know the rules and so do I
    A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
    You wouldn't get this from any other guy

    I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
    Gotta make you understand

    Never gonna give you up
    Never gonna let you down
    Never gonna run around and desert you
    Never gonna make you cry
    Never gonna say goodbye
    Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

    We've know each other for so long
    Your heart's been aching
    But you're too shy to say it
    Inside we both know what's been going on
    We know the game and we're gonna play it
    [ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/ak5 ]

    And if you ask me how I'm feeling
    Don't tell me you're too blind to see

    Never gonna give you up
    Never gonna let you down
    Never gonna run around and desert you
    Never gonna make you cry
    Never gonna say goodbye
    Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

    Repeat Chorus

    Give you up, give you up
    Give you up, give you up
    Never gonna give,
    Never gonna give, give you up
    Never gonna give,
    Never gonna give, give you up

    Last four lines repeated

    I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
    Gotta make you understand

    Chorus times three

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  11. Hey fellas! whats that i smell in this blog? Hmmmm, is that baby poop?

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  12. The Cyclocross Crybaby Blog said...

    "Hey fellas! whats that i smell in this blog? Hmmmm, is that baby poop?"

    Dude...your "baby" has a boner.....you MAY want to rethink your blog splash. I'm guessing you were called "Chilmo" in your last lockup? I'm sure you and Freud are tight but stand down soldier.

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  13. That looks like a full diaper, not a baby boner, just my opinion.

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  14. his name looks like something you'd find on the CIA's most wanted terrorist list.....

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  15. Maybe he didn't know how his body would handle Low Altitude?

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  16. this blog makes me want to go take a bottle of sleeping pills and liten to "match box 20"

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  17. If this guy wants to Manufacture or engineer controversy that springs up in Missouri then he might as well throw Play-doh at us. diving, hunting or fishing around the results trying to get cyclist to eat their own is just weird.

    Its a sub culture similar to the dead poets society, a last crusade of blazing saddles. So for the love of the sport drop this cat up ultimatum you have presented in this blog.

    The rest of us need to sit down and read a good Steven king book, maybe Clancy or ludlum or just get out and Pedal.



    Bitches!

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  18. Anonymous said...

    "So for the love of the sport drop this cat up ultimatum you have presented in this blog."

    Waaaayyyy past that point Spanky. The natives are restless for justice and sacrifice!

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