Thursday, February 11, 2010

Double Baggin'


Some people gotta 'bag to get a win whether its road or mud.
When you are a former domestic pro who isn't exactly over the hill and you enter the B-race at Cross Nat's then you are a bagger. r5 doesn't care that citizenship issues kept him out of the Elite race. If you used to race for Jelly Belly and Successful Living, then you shouldn't be pumping your fist afer you stomped a bunch of cat 2-3-4's.

Moving onto the road, at day one at Tulsa Tough last year, he gets smoked in the P/1 field where he actually belongs by a lot of his former pro teammates. So what does the bagger do for a win? He enters the 1/2 race the next two days even though the rest of his teammates are doing the P/1. Anything for a win! Awesome job you professional bagger!

On a scale of 1-10, he's a 12. +1 for cheating and taking an illegal pit bike at HPT. +1 for not taking off your helmet for the national anthem.

83 comments:

  1. Since I’m the inaugural douche, thanks R5 as it really made my season worth all the hard work; I will tell you what I think…

    First off, I raced CAT3 this year because I “CTFU” to CAT3 THIS year… <- CTFU this is interesting 1337 speak, like little kiddies running dungeons in WoW… L2Troll n3rds. My online uberness can’t be offended by your non ROFLCOPTER attempts at h3adsh0ts.

    Secondly, like TP stated on ER, CAT3 road is considered an equivalent to CAT3 CX. That being said, not trying to be a total dick here but… If this is true, half the “CAT3” field would get dropped on the third to fifth lap of any TourOfKC, TourOfLawrence, or NRC events, etc… Maybe they aren’t really CAT3’s? I got dropped like a bad habit on day 2 of Tulsa Tough, a real eye opener, almost called it right there.

    Finally, I bet I race more then just about anyone around, to which you might say, what a BAGGER, but… This basically allows me to understand my skills as they relate to others, the competition, skills I need to enhance etc… I pretty well was middle of the pack in CAT3 road, believe me when I tell you, I’m no CAT2 on road, hell, I’m no where near Alex Edwards in CX, COE in CX, etc… Maybe next year? And yes, I will upgrade, but as some of my results have shown, I still have a LONG way to go. AND although I look forward to the challenge / what I thought was comradery in the local scene; it is true that I have a wife <- whom is VERY supportive of my cycling addition <- SIX bikes are proof enough, child, one on the way, dogs, and a job that requires me to travel at the drop of a, well… sales person who manages to sell me as a service? These things afford me little time to train, although I do make it happen; it is a big investment so at least appreciate that. Also, appreciate the fact that I promote cycling probably more then most, I am constantly in front of non-cyclist who attend my spinning classes turning them on to cycling, talking to them about gear, coaching them on activities that support a healthy lifestyle.

    Bottom line, don’t hate the playa, hate the game, but honestly, I don’t mind if you hate me, HEHATEME!

    P.S. No technical skillz? Meet me at Landahl any time and we can discuss!

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  2. Cole, r5 has to admit that you took it like a champ being the "inaugural douche"! Much respect from this fat basement dwelling dweeb. For serious.
    Drop me an email from my profile right quick.

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  3. Cole could you POSSIBLY cry anymore? Waaa, tit momma tit!! You're still a douchebag and NOW a whiner to boot. For you to put up a ruse as to why you didn't cat up is pathetic and disingenuous AT BEST! I'd call you Sally but that would be a slam to women. Oh, we hate the playa cuz the playa is a sniveler. What I find truly amazing that your pathetic team owner has the balls to call out a certain Chris Hershey (who hopefully is gonna ctfu) on his site but won't call you out. Puhleez!

    The WAH! 12 Step Program:


    1. Admit you whine. Just say, "I am a whiner."

    2. Admit your whining is a problem. It's not enough to know you whine--you have to realize it interferes with your life. Tell yourself, your spouse, and a friend that you have a problem with whining, that all you have ever done is whine. But don't whine to God! He already knows, all too well. God just sat back while you whined away the years. It's not His fault, after all, so don't go whining to Him with your problem.

    3. Seek help to cure your whining. Whining is but one of your many shortcomings, since you are a miserable excuse for a human being. Another shortcoming is you can't do anything for yourself, otherwise you would not whine. Go whine to somebody to help you--that's all you know how to do, remember?

    4. Laugh at your whine. Made a decision to turn your constant whining over to your sense of humor and learn to "lovingly and wholeheartedly" laugh at yourself each time you whine. Be prepared to be given thenickname "Loony Tunes," however.

    5. Step out of your shoes. Put your whine in perspective. There's a woman in Africa living in a mud hut with a grass roof and NO indoor plumbing. She lives off of $27 a year. She is totally blind and collects sticks for firewood, hoping the next stick isn't a snake. Now, what was your whine again?

    6. Eat something nasty. Eat some vegetable you hate without whining about the taste. And don't hold your nose or cover it with cheese!

    7. Listen to other whiners. Get a part job in a complaint department and listen to other peoples' whines 8 hours a day. But don't complain about your job! If you do, go back to step 3. Go a whole week listening to your wife/husband complain and just say "yes dear." If you can't, go back to step 2. Have kids and listen to them whine--that's how you sound to others. Pay back time! What goes around, comes around!

    8. Make a victim list. Make of list of all persons you thought you had harmed and hope to hell that they'd forgotten all the minuscule crap you'd blown out of proportion. Ask them if you ever whined, and then be prepared to take the return whine.

    9. Take your parents to court. After all, they raised a whiner. Yes, you started early, but it is not your fault!

    10. Beware of falling off the wagon. Resign yourself to the fact you are going to whine each time you try to stick to your guns when you know you are right. Once a whiner, always a whiner, they say. So either just admit your are wrong or go back to step 1. Cripes, you mean you really want to go back to step 1 after getting to step 10?

    11. Whine to your dog. They love you no matter how much you whine. It's called unconditional love. Unless of course they sense your foul mood. Disguise your whine by mixing the words "good dog" in every sentence. They only know so many words--those two they know. Otherwise, your dog would hate you like all the people you know.

    12. Help others. Help some other whiney-assed ******* with his whine problem. You get to whine about their whining. It's great...................................

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  4. Your All Douche Bags!!!

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  5. Cole, let Jensen get his moment in the sun as a bagger! Damn, less than an hour and you are horning in to defend and challenge. That crap may play with admirers around cow town, but not here.

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  6. No doubt Cole! Jensen needs to come on here and defend his honor. You had your chance last month!

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  7. I highly doubt Brian will say a word...just not his style.

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  8. its amazing reading douche bags slamming douche bags.. can't wait to race you all in the coming months...

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  9. Did Jensen stop riding at HPT, and run around until he found a bike, or did someone go find a bike for him, put it in the pit, then tell him about it as he approached?

    I have VIDEO of the whole thing, so I know. I'm just wondering if anyone else does.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. s.c. wants to stay out of this one because s.c. dosen't want to get anyone in trouble.

    :-)

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  12. I hope to see a bunch of you sandbaggers (be it called-out or self-procalimed) at the First Annual Kansas City Tweed Ride.

    Wheels in/wheels out pit available.

    kctweedindeed.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. "Fashionable vintage street clothing encouraged, no spandex"

    If a bagger can't display the goods in the cool team kit, why bother? 360 can't show what "natural" training has done for them, why show up?

    Ride for the fun of it? What the hell is that?
    I'm sure the hipster crowd will do you proud!

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  14. Oh but how fun it would be to throw down on a bunch of fixies, mixtes and the obligatory penny farthing. Where's that bagger spirit?! Has this place gone soft? These are excellent cross base miles - utilize the retractable dog leashes along the Trolley Trail as barriers.

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  15. Donald Trump said...

    "its amazing reading douche bags slamming douche bags.."

    Hey great minds think alike right? right?

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  16. Yawn - you KC guys are boring. Will a few of you sand baggers please show up to winter natz so I can rip your legs off?


    Ethan Froese

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  17. Aubree, didn't you said Trudi (Steve's clan) or whoever went and snagged that bike? Why take that back?

    Isn't that illegal? (Procuring a bike during a CX race like that.)

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  18. What are "winter natz"?

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  19. Senior Bush Administration OfficialFebruary 11, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    Jensen took a bike from one of the Colavita boys in Topeka. Or maybe Steve took it and gave it to him. Not sure which.

    Remember, this is the United States. Someone is always watching you.

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  20. You talkin about Froese Toes?
    Bring it. r5 is gonna fuckin lap you.

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  21. Confusus say ...

    I hope Ethan did not pull a hammy writing the post.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I deleted my post, because I may have been mistaken...I don't want to post a statement like that without being 100% positive, that's all.

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  23. Steve T.did it, he went and got the bike for Jensen.

    (The rules are diffent for "them," as you know.)

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  24. Confusus say ...
    Why are females, who are mistaken, on the man forum?

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  25. A colavita rider was watching the open race when stilford ran up to him and ask if his bike had egg beaters on it. The colavita rider looked down and saw the egg beaters so he replied "yes." The colavita rider looked away for the a second and the bike was gone. Five minutes later the colavita rider saw bj riding around the course on his bike. The bike was returned without any damage though bj commented how there was over 55 psi in the tires.

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  26. Good Lord, ride your bikes and enjoy. NOBODY on this site gets paid to pedal.

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  27. Mark. 3 in cross is not the same as 3 in the road.

    Road
    5=slow
    4=medium
    3=ok fast
    2=fast
    1=really fast

    cross
    4=very slow
    3=medium
    2=fast
    1=very fast.

    You took 2nd to Coe at Chris Cross in the beginning of 2008, after winning the 4 race. You beat 32 other sandbaggers! Coe upgraded to open after that while you raced in the 3's for 25 more top 5 placings.

    That's why you're the inaugural douche.

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  28. As long as I ain't hurtin' no one, I'll pull my hammie all I want.

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  29. Anonymous said...


    "Cole.....you raced in the 3's for 25 more top 5 placings."

    End of discussion right there! You're a "sandbagging douchebag", which is French for sandbagging douchebag. Dude, You even give sandbaggers a bad name.

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  30. 55 psi... that's a lot of psi.

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  31. I'm Roger Daltrey, and I'm commandeering this here bicycle...

    Oh you can't make this shit up! Keep the airing of grievances stimulation coming r5!

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  32. USAC cyclocross rule book:

    5C4. The exchanging of wheels or bicycles between riders
    shall be forbidden.

    ___

    What PSI a rider uses is of no business to someone who takes their bike without permission. THIS basically sums up all that is wrong with KC-area CX.

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  33. Calling me out for being a female on a "man forum", huh?...I suppose you're going to call me out for riding with the boys too?

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  34. Okay, let's set the record strait on the b.j. bike borrow at last years topeka cross race.

    strait from the horse's mouth... Tilford's special lady friend asked is she could borrow my bike and i said yes. i was happy to help. Steve took it into the pit and waited for b.j. to come around. Then b.j. kicked ass on the Masi!

    i had no idea it was against the rules. Sorry if that screwed anyone over.

    And yes, the psi was probably around 55.

    San Dimas high school football rules!

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  35. Confusus say...
    If Aubree ride man, she will be more satisifed!

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  36. Is Confusus Confucius' twin brother or bizzaro?

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  37. So what you're saying is that when I ride 110psi on my CX bike that it's a bad thing? No wonder I'm not a sandbagger!

    Wolverines!!

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  38. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

    Red Dawn

    This blog keeps getting better and better.

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  39. That would be airbagging.

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  40. SC, I have a special shirt for you to wear at street cred.
    http://bkusiak.blogspot.com/2010/02/street-cred.html

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  41. Aubree say...man who calls himself Confusus have penis that is useless.

    And though I may be a woman on a said "man forum", at least I have the balls to put my name behind my comments.

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  42. Confusus is a lot funnier than Aubree.

    Depending on the course, 55 psi seems like a good choice for a race.

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  43. We use science these days to determine who/what is funny. Aubree is funnier than Confusus.

    We have determined it is funny when riders have too much air in their tires at cyclocross races.

    For general amusement please inflate tires to maximum psi.

    Thank you.
    Humor Reseach Lab

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  44. But we have an issue, here. Seems the only way to know that 55 psi is in a racer's tires is to have one of stilford's harem steal the bike.

    Can we be sure to have such a system in place for the season opener? Does bjen need to have a problem before the system kicks in?

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  45. We aplogize for 'r' in the word Research from our above post. Mr. 'r' was in the powder room.


    Thank you.
    Humor Research Lab

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  46. Confusus say he may be gay.

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  47. Confusus,

    Would that make you uncomfortable?


    CC

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  48. It's Like dope. You say you are getting off the junk..then you say "just one peak at KC Sandbagger won't hurt" then..bam...you back on it...checking back every hour...hooked like a street junkie...

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  49. Unless Confusus is making a confession, he has introduced homophobia as well as misogyny to the blog. All he needs to add is something racist for the triple crown.

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  50. Day 2 of the Douche Bags slamming Douche bags.. lets see if you all can
    go to day 3 with 100+ comments..

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  51. Confusus say he not racist, all gay men have black penis.

    ReplyDelete
  52. @Anon 1:10

    So are we saying Confusus and Seabiscuit have more than 1 thing in common? (i.e. a Triple Crown and being ridden by small dainty men?)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Confusus say ...
    Woman will balls, is no woman at all.

    Note to self ...
    Life Rule #245(Tricky Dicky) - Stay away from women with balls.

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  54. After taking a look at Aubree's blog, it's quite obvious there are no balls there, however "sandbagger", maybe?

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  55. Confusus not anonymous anymore. Confusus also have spelling issue.

    Confusus meant to say ...
    Woman WITH balls, is no woman at all.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Nodar KumaritashviliFebruary 12, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    What's a blog?

    ReplyDelete
  57. a blog is short for web log, which is an online journal type thing where people can anonymously slam other people.

    ReplyDelete
  58. This is more of a web witch hunt. Or bwitchhunt. Or just chunt.

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  59. Is this a blog or chat room for people who rode the 'short bus' to school when they were young??

    ReplyDelete
  60. kcsandbagger.chuntspot.com

    chuntspot... that's where you put chamois cream right?

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  61. OMG! So who's watching opening ceremonies tonight?!?

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  62. Ceremonies for the Shortbus Olympics?

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  63. Aubree rides and races with men (on a bicycle). She's definitely not a sandbagger.

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  64. Dude look like a lady.

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  65. 68 and now 69 keep going...

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  66. lets stop on 69... haha...wait... sh*t

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  67. Aubree...I love you man!

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  68. It will clearly surprise some people to hear me say this, but I am, to use a nice Scottish word, scunnered that Ms. Aubree Dock would suppress people's instinct and intellect. To organize my discussion, I suggest that we take one step back in the causal chain and strike at the heart of her efforts to hurt people's feelings. She has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. Aubree can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches her nostrils, she'll start talking about the joy of irreligionism and how she values our perspectives. As you listen to Aubree's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice her hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that it's easy for her to declaim my proposals. But when is Aubree going to provide an alternative proposal of her own? That's the big question. If you knew the answer to that then you'd also know why Aubree maintains that the moon is made of green cheese. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that she is secretly planning to exclude all people and proposals that oppose her mad objectives. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that harebrained stool pigeons skewer me over a pit barbecue. That said, we mustn't lose sight of who the real enemy is: Aubree Dock and her overbearing cheerleaders.

    I don't like to repeat myself, but Aubree is always trying to change the way we work. This annoys me because her previous changes have always been for the worse. I'm positive that Aubree's new changes will be even more snippy because we must reach out to people with the message that I think this is tragic. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. This has been a long post, but I feel that its length is in direct proportion to its importance. Why? Because the hostility and boredom Ms. Aubree Dock is experiencing internally is quite evident externally.

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  69. S.G.
    Do you read your shit before pressing enter and do you think anyone other than yourself finds any of the drivel you say anything other than extremely just plain dumb. I get that you are trying incredibly hard to show your middling intelligence and your just below average sense of humor, but do us all a favor........go play in rush hour traffic!! Because nobody since your elementary school years, other than the school nurse, has thought you were the least bit interesting or had anything worthwhile to say.

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  70. Hey dumbass it called "Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator" Google it.
    Do you really think I would sit a write that much crap about a bunch of d-bags who asses would kick the shit out of if they would CTFU to my level? I'm just messing with R5's blog since He is my favorite teammate!

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  71. Anonymous said...

    "S.G.
    Do you read your shit before pressing enter.."

    Seriously dude......you just took the time to sling shit when OBVIOUSLY this is what this blog is all about. In the immortal words of Mr. John Belushi, "Eat lead slant".....or...go fuck yourself. Just in case you haven't ciphered this blog out, it's about the BS, the shit, the shite (for those of you from Britain), the dung, dook, crap, poop, excrement, anal droppings, anal waste, etc....and if you need further explanation, then sorry brutha, you're too stupid for the gene pool.

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  72. Cat up to your level?? what level is that?? is that the 51st level of Dungeons and Dragons? Because if you were as fast as you say are then you wouldn't be F!@%ING with people and 'slinging shit' like are supposedly 'just' doing. The fact that you are spending the amount of time you are to just mess with people probably means you are really 'bent' about getting beat by just about everybody each time you line up to race.

    And your buddy 'Mr. Obvious' has got your back dude. With his hands down your pants jerking you off. All as he is telling everybody to 'fuck yourself'. Don't you guys think you are getting into this blog a little too much. It must be like porn to a bunch of 'short bus' dorks.

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  73. Anonymous said...

    "Cat up to your level?? what level is that??... It must be like porn to a bunch of 'short bus' dorks."

    Heh.....and your along for the ride..dumbass. Wait..don't tell me....you gotta be a 360 'roid rager! Osh Josh is that you?

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  74. you guys are up early to make comments 617am.. you must have been doing meth all night!! stay off that shit..

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  75. Let's see what we have here...

    Anonymous @ 11:08 p.m.

    Bad grammar...check.
    Unrestrained rage...check.
    Homoerotic undertones...check.
    Poor use of profanity...check.
    Baseless accusations...check.
    Inordinate defensiveness...check.

    Looks like we've got another post from JT. Welcome back Osh Josh!

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  76. You forgot insensitivity toward those deprived of the opportunity to ride full-length buses.

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  77. Confusus say... man who immitate me have small wee wee.

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  78. Hahahahaha!!! I lahv thees kon-tree! Who ees thees Osh Josh you speek ov? Een Roshah ve dreenk Vodka and I keek football and av balt hed.

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  79. Eh KGB just eenform me that een fact ees the Osh Josh B'Gosh guy that must be loosing hed. Een Roshah vee use the steroids and get thee rage eh Osh Josh?

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