I hate steering

This tri-geek must be allergic to his handlebars...

Spring Fling is just around the corner and with that brings a new crop of potential baggers. For some folks, this is their "A" race- an early peak in hopes of scoring cheap upgrade points. For others, its a great chance to get a one day license and "start over" as a Cat5 and win a neat little ribbon by stomping on the fresh meat. Yeah, you know who you are.

Normally r5 encourages upgrading out of the 5's as soon as you get your 10 starts and aren't getting dropped. But there are some that no matter how fast they are, should NEVER be allowed in a race because they did not bother to learn how to steer. Lets hope that chainring to the forehead he got from riding like an idiot and crashing out a whole mess of riders in his first 3/4 race keeps this guy from coming back again.

GO RIDE YOUR DAMN BIKES!

Some of you need a break from the computer!
Just because r5 calls out the baggers doesn't mean its ok to sit on your ass.
Go RIDE!

Rocky Mountain Spotted Bagger

So this VelonewsDude comes in from Colorado and lines up against the local 4's including a cast of future KC Sandbagger candidates and absolutely destroys them. By the time the whistle blew, the Elway-lover was halfway around the race track and was GONE. And to add insult to injury, he probably finished off the damn keg before hightailing it out of town. All I know is when I started pumping the barrel, nothing but foam came out. (must've slathered on too much Butt'r)

On a scale of 1 to 10, this dude scores an 18. +5 for traveling 500 miles to pick on our "beginners". +3 for douchey-Velonews kit.

On....my.....whistle....

Hey Margretta!! We've been sitting here since OCTOBER! My nuts have frozen to the top tube (56cm btw) and I think Songer just LAPPED ME AGAIN. Can we please start the race already!?!?

r5 revealed

As you can see, unlike Crashyvita, r5 can hold his line.

Cats with balls

TurboJET and Doc Evull are two dudes with the balls to CTFU as soon as they had the chance. They both coulda bagged and dominated Cat4's and collected a pile of ribbons and oversized T-shirts and ended up on the wrong side of this blog. They didn't wait until they could win 99% of their races before upgrading like some people suggested in the comments below.
And what happened after they moved up? They both kicked a little ass while gettin it handed to them other times. I have no doubt that when its time to go to the 2's, these two won't wait to be called out.

Explosif Diarrhea

At this particular race, Pooface won by a margin of 30+ seconds over several other known sandbaggers which of course makes him a 'bagger himself. With three wins in 2009/10 and a whole mess of top fives, he can stand proud next to the likes of the master baggers below. Even C-Locke has called out this 'bagger. Might as well be racing the womens division in his pansy ass argyle unitard.
On a scale of 1 to 10, he scores a 9. I'll give him an extra point because I took one of his pit wheels without him knowing.

Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster is cool. He doesn’t pretend to be a racer boy with sponsor stickers plastered all over his body like he’s some kind of spandexed Nascar driver. He just gets out there and races and keeps coming back no matter what his results are.

Cookie Monster is always having a good time even if it means he hardly ever gets to stick his paws in the prize money cookie jar. Most of the guys below would never give him the time of day. I guarantee you when Cookie starts to dominate, he will cat the F up.

Osh Josh B'Gosh

This guy was hiding out in the masters for the last half of this season but we weren't gonna forget him. He had the nerve to line up as a Cat3 at the start of this year after ending 2008 with finishes of: 1,5,2,7,4,7,6,5,2. He also got a 9th at NATIONALS. And how does he start off 2009 as a Cat3?? TWO WINS AND A 2nd!
You coulda plugged up the New Orleans levy with this sandbagger!!
The only thing I want to know is, do you still have to use chamois butter when you ride with your Maxipads?

Lil Pumpkin' Head

Carbon Tubulars= CHECK
$5k Tricross= CHECK
Pro Skinsuit = CHECK
Euro Pro Mullet = CHECK
35 mass starts = CHECK
CAT4 license = CHECK
Gettin called out on KC Sandbagger = CHECK!

Baggin

Sandbagger? You be the judge:
Results
5 wins in the 2009/10 cross season. 27 points scored (USAC minimum of only 10 points to upgrade). On a scale of 1-10, he breaks the ceiling at 11.

(Previous comments were accidently deleted. All comments and suggestions welcome!)

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