Got Milk?

We all know when it comes to dirt and grass roadies turn into a bunch of tards and thus its understandable for some road 3s to be racing in the 3/4s. But 1's and 2's should never be allowed to line up in lower CX categories even if the only dismounting they've experienced was in the locker room. Bob Cumminyourmouth is a prime example. On a course with no technical sections, he easily smeared the 3/4 field at Joules which included a future sandbagger posterboy. Yeah he lined up for the Open afterwards but he had already blown his wad and had a built in excuse for not doing well. If your racing license says R2, it should not have a CX3 or CX4 next to it. And if it does, there should be a big stamp on it that says PUSSY.

On a bagger scale of 1-10, Cumminyourmouth scores an 11.5, +1.5 for the poser $7000 bike.

And BTW, congrats to Foreskinner on lining up in the Open and doing halfway decent.

ForeSkinner

This dude gives baggin' a new meaning. Foreskinner has been on a tear this year. He has won his last three races by more than just a few inches. In fact not only did he lap most of the 3's at Boss Cross, he caught up with the 8th place dude in the OPEN!

On a bagger scale of 1-10, this dude scores a 10. His weener scores a 1 inch. TIME TO SACK UP AND CAT THE FUCK UP dawg!

BTW, you Open pricks, cough *JENSEN*, need to get the fuck off the course while us 3s who pay good money to race. You assholes would throw a fit if one of us were warming up while you were racing so have some respect and get lost.

Summers Time and the Baggin is Easy

Summers-sausage has 2 full seasons of cross and multiple top 5's stuffed under his skinsuit and had the nerve to line up for a third as a cat4 at Manions. He porked the field like a cathlic priest at an all you can eat butt-fet and r5 only hopes those poor cat4 beginners were using chamois cream. Bro its time to CTFU.

Theres one less sweet ass to distract you from the lap counter this year.
On a sad note to open the season, r5 wants you all to crack open Gu gel and pour a little for homey who won't be at the starting line any more due to some shady back alley dealings by some USACK-less buttheads. Though she's hard to miss, Magretta will truly be missed this year. CX is a hard sport to score and when it aint done right all you bitches get your crossresults score bloated. Magretta did it right even though she left us all deaf and freezing at the line. Now you assholes will only have your wives left to yell at you on sundays to take the trash out.

El Baggero

After winning last friday at that fucked up Longview course Hi-me! has put another stamp in his passport to Cat3. Take a look at his results from the past year:
Police Academy 10/46
Longview 1/35
Wichita 3/25
Wichita 2/36
Gateway 5/100
Gateway 3/100
Missouri state 6/33
Sunflower 1/31
If you stack this dudes Cat4 results end to end they would cover the entire border fence. Time for USAC to come knockin at the door and upgrade this homey!

So r5 heard the Police Academy course was 10 times better than everybody thought it would be. Sometimes if you pull your head out of your suburban asses maybe you will see there is whole new world outside the Lenexa industrial park. That said, r5 hopes the Cliff Drive, KCK, and OP races make a come back some day. This fatboy has dropped many a weenie on gooseneck hill and looks forward to doing the same saturday.

Coming to a town near you!

Cherry Pickin' Daddies

Featuring two ex pros lapping a bunch of hillbillies who think threshold is what you work the cornfields with and then leading out their slow ass teammate to complete the podium sweep! Rated-R for REALLY-LAME!

So Tradewhine, why weren't you guys in St Loser getting your buttwhuppins like Merci did?

And BTW was there a good reason why TNW got cancelled last night!?!? Coulda run a senior wheelchair crit before we even got a DROP OF RAIN. AND WHO CARES IF IT RAINS? Plenty of dudes got wet out at the crit when NEET was running it...

2 Legit

Say what?? If Jb is a 2, then the entire Crashovita squad is continental pro. Dude probably thinks palmares are what he squirts lotion on before gettin on the internet.

**r5 still promises the year end Sandbaggies awards...

Hosed!

Before we begin the year end awards, a little housekeeping is in order. Dr Stinkfinger gave up a sweet powerwasher by CTFU'ing for his last race of the year. All he had to do was simply show up for the 4's and he would've won that series. That would be like r5 skipping another round at the Ameristar buffet. But instead, he raced and placed mid-pack in his first Cat3 race and learned that there were plenty of plump rumps in the new category he could easily ogle and drop. Most impressive. Props to him for CTFUing!!

Enjoy the powerwasher, JW. Time for you to CTFU!