Merry Crits-Mass

r5 thinks is pretty damn cool that Santa Fe Bikes gets all these people into racing. There was nothin but a sea of black and gold at the latest Spring Flings cuz all the other posers in town are too scared of a little moisture. (thats what she said) What happened to all the Bike Shack and Cycle City baggers that used to populate the 5's?

Gotta say a couple things though: this is a damn crit, so whats up with the JB'ing up front and dudes all on their hoods? I only see one dude in proper racing position. He will be a future sandbagger for sure.

NEET-O!

Whats up with you wusses taking smoke breaks last night? Its a CRIT- NOT A UNION JOB! Looks like r5 wasn't the only one pounding sacks of Cheetos in mama's basement over the winter.
BTW, road racing boring. Cross is for real man.

Masters-bation

Poor poor masters racers! How dare those crash-5's interfere with your race! How dare that ambulance hauling out a seriously injured rider block the course! Who wants to get blood on their precious crabon-fiber bike?!
For you masters riders who bitched about the 5's crashing and holding you up, go fuck yerselves and enjoy your DQ!

Theo Bos-Hog

Pop quiz:
Matt can be found off the front because:
a) he's sandbaggin
b) no one wants to be anywhere near him

r5 has given him his official nickname: The Mummy because he's always wrapped up in gauze.

Cat None

Heard there were only a couple 1/2's lined up today at Perry. PATHETIC. Whats worse than a sandbagger is a bunch of fat pussies who won't race. What kind of motivation is this for all the Cat3 'baggers to CTFU? Well, I bet Butt'rball Turkey is turned on...

Do you have the balls?

TO GO KAMIKAZE BIKING WITH r5??

Crash 5's

r5 has some road rash and palm burns to work on...
We'll continue with your regularly scheduled 'bagger baggin real soon.